The next American Idol

American Idol has become one of those shows that has become compulsive viewing,for me anyway. Actually that’s not entirely true, I don’t make a point of watching it but when I surf channels I stayed tuned longer than any sane person would. That is insane in itself. Whatever you think of the program you have to admit, it’s a shadow of it’s former self. It has just lost it’s appeal and I think it’s being watched by people by force of habit. Everyone I meet says the same thing, ‘it’s lost it’ but have nevertheless still seen it. We send people with a habit to rehab, these people need to go and seek treatment. They need institutionalizing.

Last night was an ordeal. A bunch of karaoke hopefuls, the ones who the compere tries to avoid bringing up to sing surrounded by a somewhat disillusioned panel. I’ve been there, all sat together where you shrug your shoulders and think, ‘why am I here?’ And as for Simon, I’m feeling sorry for him now. Last night’s comment about one of the boys or girls( I can’t remember one of the contestants names) was hilarious. He threw his arms out and laughed because one of the guys was laughing at all the comments the judges had made while tearing apart his lame performance. And Simon said, ‘he’s laughing, he doesn’t care what we think. It doesn’t matter the audience love him , they’ll vote for him and he’ll be back next week.’ It may have sounded ridiculous but it’s actually true, it doesn’t matter what the judges say the audience will bring him back. He has the haircut and the devilish grin that will send the girlies to school giggling, their fingers sore from pressing the redial button on their cell phones to vote for ‘cheeky chappy.’  He’ll get the vote and he be one step closer to giving me a headache. Nine down too many to go.

So now we know, Simon leaves American Idol and we have the solution. You put shit on the TV and you don’t need anyone to replace him because it’s simple, you don’t have a panel. It doesn’t matter. They, the contestants are above critiquing, America will decide and it won’t be because of a panel, I just got rid of them.  The premium rate phone calls will come in, you can have less of them and make more money. I just saved you a ton of cash by making the panel redundant.

That’ll do for now, tomorrow I’ll critique the panel. About time.

Filed under: TV, View from the room, american idol, Simon Cowell

The Factory in Manchester

I have very fond memories of Factory records and that time in general in Manchester. I’d started in the music business in 1974 but for the first four years I was selling records out of the back of a van. It wasn’t until the late seventies when I started in promotions that I started to find my feet. There were so many of us back then that were diving in to the unknown. It may have been unchartered waters and with none of us with much experience, if any. But it was bold and exciting. Adventures don’t change, they’re about the unexpected and Manchester was just that. It was about chancers taking chances.

Tony Wilson had always been on my TV screen so he was the sort of guy you thought you knew. It was that which lead me to nod and say hi at a Bob Marley concert at The Hardrock in Manchester back in 1976 ( I think ..) Oh and before you wonder what Bob Marley and the Wailers were doing crammed in to a burger bar, this was an entirely different Hardrock. It’s was a far meatier joint and where I served  a great part of my music initiation. Tony being Tony and good at ‘local celebrity’ nodded back and smiled. If I remember rightly he had on an Afgan coat, I thought I was ‘cool’ in my long navy  greatcoat. You needed a coat back then and it had nothing to be with the weather. It was a fashion accessory!

It wasn’t until two years later that I met him properly when I used to take the records I was promoting in to Granada Television. 1978 was an amazing period, not just for me when I got a job at my all time favorite record label Island but for music and Manchester in general. Tony was very excited about the club he was opening , The Factory and then the launch of one of the most important labels of our time, Factory Records.

We all know Manchester was grey and dull with crumbling buildings back then but if it hadn’t have been like that it wouldn’t have given rise to the creativity that has grown there ever since. It was that backdrop that helped make it what it is today, it fuelled the fire for people like Tony to be actively involved in the re generation of the city. Tony Wilson didn’t just talk about loving Manchester, he proved it by pretty much everything he did. We worked there, he lived there and he went out there. It always pisses me off when people slag him off, they never knew him.

He just loved the banter, with both his friends and his enemies. Well they weren’t really enemies just people who called him ‘wanker.’ The trouble was Tony was usually far more intelligent than his critics and they hated it when they threw abuse at him and he laughed. They expected him to be upset and walk away sulking. Not our Tone, never once. I’d seen that pathetic behavior more than once and he was always cool with it. That pissed me off!

Tony Wilson was a once seen never forgotten type of guy. He generated a reaction and wherever you were or whatever  you might have thought you knew he was there. The perfect type of ambassador for generating profile for all they do.

Filed under: Journey Through The Past, record companies, Factory Records, Joy Division, New Order, The Factory Club, tony wilson

Let’s go round again

Let me tell you what it’s like when you get older.  You have those glorious gazing out the window times when you smile as some truly wonderful moments start to flash by. And for no apparent reason, I’m having one right now. Calm and serene and away from the madness we all have going on from time to time, everything stops for that moment. I’m happy that I’m having a bunch of those moments right now and savoring every minute of them. You start to reflect on the fun you had growing up, where, when and with who.

Sometimes we all need to lighten up a little and not become too self absorbed. We need to drag ourselves out of our own little life cocoon. What do we have if we don’t have laughter and anyway, why wouldn’t you want to smile? If you smile there’s a good chance you’ll get smiled back at and if you frown people look the other way.  If you’re not Basil Fawlty you won’t get away with it. And if you want to walk around with a glum face then get out of mine.

And when you start reflecting you look  back on pivotal moments in your life. And it always involves people and places. How clear those moments become and how vividly you can see those people etched in memory. Yet for that one moment they are there. You can almost touch them. You stop and you turn and you think, My God how long ago was that! I don’t ever want to lose the romance of my youth and the beauty of my friends, everyone of them with their own curious little idiosyncrasies. Each worthy of friendship and most at some time, motivating. And the ones you fall out with, you don’t really fall out with you just start to move in different directions. It’s the circle of life and for all it throws at us I’m glad it’s there. It helps us to define where we want to go and what we want to do but more importantly who we are. Those times when our eyes are shut and we’re the only ones that don’t see it. It shades opportunities and it blurs reality.

Now I’m sure there must have been lousy days working in the music business but I don’t remember them. It’s my Led Zeppelin moment. There are some things that happen that you don’t want to remember so you blur them out. Why, because they don’t matter anymore, you’ve moved on and there really is no point dwelling on them. You start to realize that it could never have been as bad as it appeared anyway. Hell, I’m here aren’t I ? Be grateful for what you have and not for what you don’t have. Life was an adventure, a hell of one. The experience invaluable. It makes me more aware of those poor people that spend their life in jobs they hate. They have reason for remorse, where some can change others can’t.

This blog is the perfect home, for the people and the places. There are a whole host of things I have meant to blog about that I haven’t. So now is the time to rectify that and no matter where Tiger takes his pants there has to be room for stuff that matters. I am feeling the love and love makes you want to put back. Stand back!

And with the job I even loved the crap ,you felt for the people who were giving it and getting it. If it meant having them calling you to vent then so be it. If that’s their way of releasing tension then that’s fine. I’d rather have them shout at me for no reason than have them keel over and have a coronary.

When this all began I said I had a bunch more things to say and after 120, 000 words I haven’t. Life got in the way. I had to take care of stuff that cropped up and when I wrote it was more about the current and less about the past. Apart from the lessons learned there weren’t as many of the stories I’d promised. The people and the places are too valuable to sit on the back burner.

Until now. Sit back while I light the touch paper.

Filed under: About The Engine Room, About Tony Michaelides, View from the room

Dumber than dumb and getting dumber

Instant gratification. When did anyone think that a quick fix did anything other than prevent a leak, temporarily? Artists are creative people and they need to be nurtured like an athlete. They are groomed and preened and prepared for battle, albeit a healthy competitive fight to get noticed. I’m not here to pontificate over the artist and the industry today but more the quick fix. Shall we call it celebrity TV? No we shall not. I’m calling it ‘Celebral Dead’ TV from now on.

Reality TV is cheap television made with cheaper characters. We are creating a mind numbingly boring opera of the inane. The shows are getting worse, so worse I don’t even know what they are called. Where it was important, least of all socially acceptable to make your girlfriend cry so you could show off your macho tattoo and receive some counseling from a slightly older woman in a longer skirt who may have been a train wreck and therefore qualified to mend you. Fascinating. I have never seen as many meathead males all lined up together.

I would like these people incarcerated. Kidnap both male and female participants and sling them in a preferably less than comfortable area where they can suffer like we have suffered. I don’t always agree in an eye for an eye but there are exceptions, maybe a loin for an implant.

Why wherever we turn does everyone want, almost need their life to be public, sorry pubic domain? Are we a nation of exhibitionists or a rabble of rubble? Do we care what people think? As long as they think it doesn’t matter what they think. Think again. One, two maybe three reality shows you could understand. Go as far as to call it the broad spectrum of television and you could maybe even get away with it. Give us what you have and we’re an epidemic at the point of no return

I know there’s no money to make good television anymore but does it really need to be quite this bad? I’m convinced that we have finally arrived at a point where the more stupid with the least talent become the chosen ’norm’ for producers. Compulsive television has become ‘I must watch idiots.’ The public seem to love them and they seem to love being humiliated. How bizarre is that? If you were sadly ailing with something we’d want to help but now we want to applaud, almost worship. We’re in a mixed up crazy world getting increasingly more weird. If I become a recluse you’re to blame.

Filed under: TV, View from the room, celebrity tv, Reality TV

Ending idols

Has American Idol become a self detonating time bomb? Do they think anyone here is going to seriously have a career and will American Idol be remembered for going on just that one series too many? And as for Simon, he is sitting there looking bored senseless. I bet the cameraman has been briefed to pan away from him when he’s checking his watch or gazing at  the ceiling when the boy Ryan is trying to get one over him. We used to call it banter now it’s plain bollocks. Clearly he’d rather be somewhere else, X Factor. He has stiffled the competition, there won’t be a competition to be up against. It’s lame, it’s pedestrian and it has ceasd to be relevant. It was the most successful reality TV show ever but everything has it’s day.

I’m at a loss wondering how this is what they came up with as the finalists. There’s been an outcry as a result about those voted off in recent weeks. Pray tell, why? None of them are worth shedding  a tear over, some will no doubt have a stab at the limelight and some will do OK. Who needs OK? The public want fame, the artist wants success and Simon wants money. It’s all one of the same because if anyone from American Idol becomes successful Simon makes off the record sales. Even if the bloke who turned up in  a bikini has a hit with an album of whale noises SiCo wins, every time. But are we creating Idols or are we creating flashes in the (Bed)pan? I’m flushed and from the latter.

Really, were these our next idols? Were these the people who would emulate Carrie or Kelly. Or would they be stacking shelves with Taylor, Ruben or Fantasia and what of the bloke from last year, Kris spelt wrong? Nice lad but we don’t do ‘nice’ we do idols. I  just saw him on a TV add in a car right? America has voted, we have the new car ad! I’m off to the dealership down the road.

Basil Fawlty left when the time was right and he’s still a better American, English or any Billy Idol. The secret to good television was to build something up to a peak and then nip it in the bud.  The talented TV people would know when that time was and cease it. Now it’s plundered and bled for everything they can get out of it. And a lame American Idol will still pull more advertising dollars in than some other show, whatever it is. The curiosity factor will still pull a certain size audience but is that enough to warrant continuity? Is that a reason to let us see what it was it no longer is?

American Idol has become an American institution and it had to go own as long as Simon Cowell sat on that judges panel. Now there is no reason on earth why it needs to without him. It’s nothing without him, it’s Fawlty Towers without John Cleese. It’s Ellen without Ellen De Generes! I don’t care who replaces him, all I know is that with what they’re paying Ellen and with what they would have to pay someone else it doesn’t add up. And sums are the bottom line, let’s face it they’ve already gone and got two to replace Paula Abdul. Maybe they should sack the lot and have her as the sole judge. She probably wouldn’t even be aware that know nobody was sat beside her. I’m all for it, go Abdul Idol! Just Paula telling everyone they move her and they are beautiful and at the end of the show nobody is booted off and they all win. And 26 weeks later they release 47 records on the same day and they all chart at joint number 1. And music business is OK again.

Filed under: TV, View from the room, american idol, Simon Cowell

Wooden Woods

There’s a rumble in the jungle, Tiger’s back. Either on his back or on top we are going to have to watch his slimy orchestrated moves all over Breakfast, night time and in between time TV, radio, press. Bring on the clowns. Didn’t you just love the orchestrated glum press photo opportunity, the PR people saying ‘Look glum, everyone will use the picture, wear Nike and pass me a zero from you’re bank account. Just do it, Nike will love it and it’ll end up costing you nothing.’ You don’t even need to be cynical to watch this calculated charade play out. Soft press conference and now the soft tournament, the one he’s bound to win and the one where he knows he’ll be adored. Nothing like challenging yourself eh? Perish the thought anyone should berate him. Bring on mum, pat him on his head. Make sure he’s wearing ‘The cap.

Sucks, keep your shoes and hats Nike I’m sticking to my balaclava and flip flip flops. I think you deserve each other and for what it’s worth I have other hats I can wear. I was so mad I went to throw all my golf clubs out, forgetting I’ve never played a game of golf in my life. Not my chosen sport, can’t see the point of playing anything you don’t have to get changed for. Unless you include some ludicrous patterned jumpers and silly shoes.

I have to confess though all the fever pitch excitement I’m here to say my peace, piece. PISS. I even scrapped the idea of another blog once I saw the TV coverage, what a lame ass.I am. Aaaaaargh didn’t it make you want to puke how they slunk out from the foliage, the distance between them picture perfect.  I don’t even like Elfin now or whatever her name is, get back in the bushes where you belong. Cartoon characters in a cartoon world. Camouflage life.

So he’s on his way back and I, like everyone else responded. Hell his actions from the outset must now be costing him a pretty penny, no wonder the Nike caps came out. You can see the baying PR wolves rubbing their paws and howling, ‘Well Tiger if you had got us involved from the start we could have taken care of this but now there’s a lot more image to rebuild. It’s going to take a lot of time, the six month retainer is going to have to be twenty five years. ‘Isn’t this another case of the public loving the hard luck story. What hard luck story are we exactly talking about here? Who was responsible for taking this billionaire’s pants down? Who will go down in history…..All the endless temptations towards the puns, some reference to his exploits being the under dog. It’s strange because before all this Tiger Woods to me was just a bloke with a golf club with a silly name, birdie, nine iron, whatever and the same cap. Nondescript, lacking in personality and someone who appeared to have more money than all the countries I’ve visited. He now strikes me as the most robotic celebrity I have ever seen either up close and personal or from a distance, and the nature of my job I feel qualifies me to voice an opinion.

We’re back to that word ‘celebrity.’ Tiger has identified more than anyone where celebrity went wrong, from charismatic like Jack Nicholson to ‘celebrity’ like er, Tiger Woods. Does he even have a Godamn name or did he slip out of the womb and it was a quick call from parentage.’ Mmm not sure, let’s call him after an animal.’ But Tiger? Tiger’s are sleek, charismatic, powerful (OK you might say money gives him power but personally I never had a problem with a real tiger who didn’t carry a black Amex card) The thing is tiger’s are everything he isn’t, he has less charisma than tiger droppings. If his family are reading this please get in touch, in fact don’t I saw his insipid mother groveling at the press conference and the wife elf who took her wedding ring off. Shock horror, who would have expected that. His mistresses each get to wear it for one week until the end of the year. It’s  due back the first of January, Happy New Year.

I”M DONE, with Tiger Wooden I have things to do and it isn’t waitresses. Well for now anyway. If you’re here for the first time welcome to my blog. If you enjoyed it my name’s Tony Michaelides and if you didn’t my name is Rhino Michaelides and I’m horny.

Filed under: mistakes, Uncategorized, View from the room, celebrity, PR, Tiger Woods

Reality stars and where to put them

I’ve been thinking a lot about David Bowie just lately which is strange because he’s been fairly quiet. The other night I dreamt I was a gnome in his Ashes to ashes video, on the beach and a lot colder than I remember when I first saw it. Why am I choosing to  mention David Bowie now? Because it’s my blog and I can do what I want. In fact I wouldn’t be suprised if right now David Bowie was in  a laundromat in Bromsgove talking about me. OK , I lied.

Whenever I turn on my flip camera and start to partake in my new fave hobby, You Tube blabbering there’s so many times I drift in to Bowie territory. It makes me realize what a huge impact working with someone like that made on me and what a massive amount I learned. He has an ability to teach you things without even trying, he inspires merely by presence. He remains the consummate star and I think now is the time for someone to open The Star Academy with the sublime DB as it’s patron.

Until then we are a nation, or several nations obsessed with ‘fake celebrity.’ False idols, impersonators, pretenders and prats. Celebrities aren’t stars anymore. Stars are stars and celebrities are well, celeb bitties, part actors,bits of celery. They’re becoming a nuisance and you people out there need to stop being fascinated by them because in all honesty, they are just not worth it . If nobody watched them then there would be no demand and without demand we wouldn’t have the mindless crap  that is on the TV. One day it will reach fever point, they’ll be a lynch mob. I may even be that assassin.

Why pray, are we attracted to losers? And don’t give me that , ‘it’s about the underdogs.’ BS, underdogs and dogs are two completely different dogs. One dog is a pet to love, the other is a dog you hate.  Everywhere you look nowadays there’s more and more gonzo TV. Hunter S Thompson pioneered the phrase ‘gonzo journalism,’ my ditty is ‘gonzo TV.’ Inane for the insane, if you’re mad enough to watch it your mad enough to deserve it. Is this what TV producers think people want to watch? Clearly they’re right and I’m wrong. If I made TV shows I wouldn’t want to put my name to one of these, where’s their sense of any pride, don’t they want to show people what they are capable of rather than lowest common denominator television? I suppose, and in their defense it’s about not having the money to make decent TV anymore.

Why if you had talent would you want to work with talentless toss pots who either have boobs or buy them? And if it’s the latter it gets turned in to a series about implants, who has them, why they have them, how they are made and look at what they came out like. I’m not against boobs, I think they’re excellent  but there’s a time and a place for them. And it’s not on the TV and especially if they’re not yours.

Filed under: TV, View from the room, celebrity, David Bowie, Reality TV

Take that and like it

I was particularly saddened yesterday looking at The Sun (not that one, the English tabloid.) I went on line curious to see what they had to say about Manchester United’s destruction of AC Milan and there emblazoned on the front cover was a story about Take That’s Mark Owen. I read it and went back over the previous story and it took me back to some really enjoyable times working with the guys in the 90’s back in the UK. More on Mark’s demons in a future blog but for now let’s stay happy.

For me Take That started the whole boy band thing and when they reformed and came back with that song ‘Precious’ I thought, ‘Oh My God, the first all man band! ‘What an amazing song and what a triumphant return. When a band return as good, even better than the first time it’s plaudits all round, and especially when they aren’t trying to be what they were. It shows great belief in yourself to come back and not want to do what you did before, be a shadow of your former self. While the dance routines change so has the audience. Fond memories are still evoked yet people think, shit that’s real talent. Of course a lot of the well loved songs are in there but they’re not pretending to be twenty any more. For me one of the greatest ever comebacks and splitting when they did was, on reflection probably the right thing to do. Although when I was at BMG and present at the press conference they held at an hotel at Manchester Airport to announce the split to the world’s media I was thinking, what the ….

Take That proved that you can go away, do what you have to do, take time away from each other and do solo projects or just chill and then when the time is right, go for it. It’s a shame they didn’t crack America but back then it was all Justin with his N Sncys and no one was interested. And that knobhead Louis Pearlman was  doing the do and projected them in to the stratosphere. He got  a little greedy though our Louis. I wonder what he’s doing now?……N sync were OK but there were some dodgy wax chested impersonators around at the time who pale in comparison( and chest hair) to those fab boys from my home town of Manchester, England.

With the phenomenal success of Take That you can happily advocate the reforming of bands. If there is a purpose there is always a reason and Take That reforming was a purposeful reason! It made everyone sit up and become aware of a how an act can mature through years. And what’s more they didn’t need the boy Williams and were right not to recruit him especially when his career needed it. Remember how you used to slag them off Robbie?

Simon Cowell has a whole lot to thank Take That for, he didn’t find them and he never found any boy bands half as good as them..

Filed under: View from the room, BMG, boy bands, N Sync, Simon Cowell, Take That

Earning a reputation

One word can say so much and  some words like ‘reputation’ take on a whole new meaning depending on the context. Just think of something as simple as ‘she’s got a reputation’ which implies either she’s a bit of a slapper or she’s to be heeded. Either way it’s not good but then when you hear someone say  ‘he/she has survived on reputation’ it takes on a whole new meaning. It describes someone who is both worthy and deserving, someone who has has earned something on merit.

I was looking back over the years at the people I’d worked with and those who I’d enjoyed the best relationships with. Without question it was those I respected that I liked the most. They were the types who were comfortable with themselves and whose behavior both professionally and socially were admirable. Each time you met them they were the same and when you spoke to others you’d hear the same remarks, ‘Good guy, nice girl, I like them’ and where people were uncomplimentary it was probably because they were jealous. They wished they could be more like them and hated the people who gave them accolades and to retaliate they’d be insulting or sarcastic.

These are people who earned a reputation, it’s not something that comes easy and it isn’t something you can force on people. It’s there because of the constant way you conduct your life and your affairs. People can rely on you, they know what to expect and they’re understanding when things don’t go quite the way they should. They respect you because of a consistency in the way you are, they sort of feel safe with you and at ease. You show the basic human ingredients that so many lack nowadays. Reputable people are trustworthy, loyal and have standards they live up to, not because they want to show off but because they want to do something to the best of their ability. They want to do everything in their power to do whatever they can to make it a  success.

Nothing is of any value  unless you earned it. The music industry thrived for so many years because of the sum total of it’s parts, not just the artists but the whole infrastructure. It was a business where people collaborated with one another and where each contributed to the end result. They made it happen, they made it a success. They didn’t wallow in their own glory and when one project was over they moved to the next with the same belief and with the same determination. It was done in perfect harmony. Your work colleagues were your mentors,they mentored you and you, in turn mentored them. If you worked with someone who had a reputation of being successful it drove you to reach those heights, you wanted to be as good at what you did as they were at what they did. It was a natural human instinct, no self respecting person employed to do a task with others wanted to lag behind.

Reputation is born out of pride and integrity , groomed from respect and deserved through merit. If you do something long enough and you do it well then recognition is the ultimate reward. No one need utter words of congratulations if you are true to yourself and know you tried your hardest. When you know what you have achieved and when you can see how others have benefitted from the results it’s safe to reflect in the gratification. And to know your reputation is something that you have earned.

Filed under: Managing Creativity, View from the room, integrity, music industry, relationships, reputation, respect

Letting the days go by

I just got a note on my Facebook page from an old pal and colleague at Piccadilly Radio David Dunne attaching a clip from a bygone era. Oh how I laughed, it’s funny how you never remember how you looked. And then I found myself saying, ‘I wonder what ever happened to that jacket?’ All nonsense really but all good clean innocent nonsense.

It was amazing to think how old the footage was, from late 90’s and a program featuring Happy Mondays. The funniest thing of all was it has been screened numerous times over the years as an ‘educational program.’ Information Technology was the title of the show though Lord knows how Happy Mondays made it in to a BBC educational show!. Having written a book about the lessons I learned from rock and roll strangely enough The Mondays were absent. It was pleasantly funny to see the recorded interview between myself and Factory Records supremo the late Tony Wilson where I was a bit pissed off at the Mondays constant absentiesm when it came to radio interviews. Then I wondered why on earth did I ever even attempt at getting the Mondays any interviews. As lovable as they were they were usually so wrecked they couldn’t speak anyway and having to go and collect them to take them to radio interviews was hardly my easiest promo task. Ah they don’t make pop combos like that anymore. A totally wonderful band  but no suprise they never won anything at The Brits. they didn’t have a ‘Best band from  another planet’ category. Best International artist didn’t cover the galaxy.

Maybe the Mondays were the last of the great bands, part of a pedigree of bands that work in a totally unique, unconventional manner. What they were had just as much to do with being with a label like Factory. No other label would have been able to allow them to develop in to what they became, they wouldn’t have had the patience and they would have tired of their antics and dumped them. It’s the exact same scenario as A and M Records and EMI, they had no idea what to do with The Sex Pistols so they let them go. They are both bands who know what they are doing and need a label to support them but to leave them to their own ‘artistic’ devices bizarre as they may seem. Both acts worked because of Factory and because of Virgin and because their A and R people understood they were a little different from everyone else. Thank God.

Filed under: Managing Creativity, record companies, View from the room, david dunne, Factory Records, Sex Pistols, The Happy Mondays, tony wilson