Idol goes where Idol knows.

When will people ever learn? Someone told me Steven Tyler was confirmed for American Idol, great. Remember  when he fell over and had to cancel  his own Aerosmith tour ? Nothing like having a team you can rely on, eh. And now apparently Idol bosses are close to confirming the arrival of…..Jennifer Lopez. WHAT!!! Who the hell cares and why are they throwing millions away negotiating with someone who’s had her day when they could have ME!! Start the campaign, ‘Yo Toe No J Lo.’

But hey, roll back the tape. What made American Idol a household name in the first place? It succeeded because the brain that is Simon Fuller thought a guy he knew, from his dealings with BMG called Simon Cowell  would work. He ( Fuller) stuck him on Pop Idol, it’s UK mummy and when Cowell didn’t want to do the US version  Simon Fuller convinced him he shoud. Even Cowell didn’t think America would like him. Well I hope Simon ( Cowell) bought Simon ( Fuller) a couple of mansions and some yachts by way of a thank you. Simon did what Simon said. You’ve done better than any artist you signed previous to your massive success and many congratulations , sir. You made it your own.

And so to the point. American Idol is huge because of him. He was a nobody no one had heard of on a show that no one wanted. Every network turned it down.  Someone presenting an idea of a talent show?  Now there’s a great idea, I wonder why no one had thought of that in the past.

Am I dreaming here but have they not seen first hand with Ellen de Generic that famous people don’t work so why rally round and think that getting judges who people have heard of is going to save it’s ass. Let’s get The Pope, everyone knows him don’t they? It’s obviously all about massaging the sponsors as per usual, I mean they couldn’t announce someone no one heard of now could they? Well I beg to differ. Even if you’re shit and unknown you can be popular today so if you’re unknown and on a show people have heard of then you could be Simon Cowell. Curiosity will tempt people in to watch the first few episodes but then once they’ve  seen fading pop stars trying to entertain they’ll do what they did last time, go. Only this time they’ll be off in in their droves. Push out Idol, people will respect you more whatever happens if you are trying to break out of the old boring and tired presenter  format.  And anyway I’m not shit and Randy and me would get on. Let me loose on them, I’d shake it up. I’m funnier than Cowell and with a much better record collection.

Let’s find some real talent, some stuff that might stand the test of time, something that not only can be successful but that can remain successful. Let’s make some noise and let’s make some noise people can take home and enjoy. With the power of a television show of that magnitude, boy could we help the music industry. As long as you have some faith and want to help the business rather than yourself that is. That’s the acid test after all… so no it won’t happen. It’s a money magnet, more and more of it for a select few. Can you imagine if some of that money was pumped in to new artists that might take a little longer to develop. Wow would we have an innovative ground breaking show then. Fancy having the power to change the music industry through the power of television.

American Idol needs some new blood. I wish they cared enough so we all could benefit from a show that made a difference.

Filed under: TV, TV hosts, View from the room, american idol, J-Lo, Simon Cowell, simon fuller, Steven Tyler

X Factor and Mr Cowell.

It seems that while American Idol is touting every name under the sun as their new judge  Mr Cowells’ new baby , X  Factor is gathering up some unfavorable press in it’s homeland, the UK . Maybe the backlash is imminent and Britain is doing as Britain does,  builds ’em up to knock ’em down. As X Factor preps for it’s US debut it is now several seasons old in the UK and although he would never admit it there must be some nerves over the anticipated launch. Let’s face it Simon has set himself up where he has to live up to his own previous achievements. Mind you I’d suffer the stress for it’s rewards, I suppose.

So will the media be poised with knives at the ready to carve in to the chosen one? Nah I’m just speculating now with the rest. You see the thing is that Simon plays the game like a master, he knows exactly how to have the media love him. He has seen it from both sides and he’s smart enough to know that without them he has no job and subsequently no lifestyle. He would never let that happen after stumbling a few times on the way. When you wait that long to get something as big as this you’re smarter than the rest of the pack. It would be very hard for Simon Cowell to slip let alone fall.

When you look at the PR machine in play I bet Tiger Woods wished he had Cowell doing his image protection. I still look at that whole fiasco as the worse PR job I have ever seen. The boy with everything just allowed his people to sit back and do nothing. I blame all of them, why one didn’t step up to the table and confront the other and politely ask, ‘er should we be not getting a little busier round here? ‘ is beyond me. We live in  the age of image and if the public perceives you as something then you better make sure you live up to what they expect of you.  And family men do not play around with families other than their own, I wouldn’t have thought that anyone need tell him that. But of course Tiger is invincible so he thinks he can do as he wishes. Go away now, we’ve had enough of you. Tiger could so Tiger would.? Not anymore as he desperately clings on to his declining fortune. I wonder if he remembers life before his millions?

agree with. That should piss them of and giver them nothing to write about. Remember media and how to handle it? Tiger Woods, disaster, David Lettereman the opposite. When Letterman was accused of having affairs with female he came out and admitted it. When Tiger was over Tigering himself he thought he was invincible and his world came crumbling along with any ounce of credibility. Now he’s 50% less of whatever iron it is golfers pull out on this part of the course.

We’ve been Tigerless on this blog for months but I have to say everything I predicted  (although predicting was hardly difficult) on here jumped up to bite his Tiger bottom. And it’s been around to haunt him for over 8 months. And it will forever be there becasue of how he behaved. I don’t understand golf but you need to stick the ball in the hole and win your games, I know that much. Seems he wasn’t the golfer he was so now without that going for you how long will it ( you) last. If you’re not winning then you’re a loser.

Filed under: mistakes, TV, TV hosts, View from the room, american idol, Simon Cowell, Tiger Woods, X Factor

Idol idle idle I

And here we go, more speculation about America Idol. Well not speculation at all really but more than enough for me to speculate , pontificate and no doubt regurgitate. Like it or not it’s coming back. We have the new producer, same as the old producer because it is in fact the old producer. He said he’d get rid of the panel, Ellen jumped before she was pushed., Karen got totaled and put out to pasture and tell me why they ever thought a fourth judge would work when for 8 years they agreed it didn’t. And then they got her? Why on earth did they ever think she would have made an impact, I mean we are not talking Lady Ga Ga here we are plain ga ga. I’m a sucker for  a pouting femme fatale but she never moved my sorry ass. In fact I’m annoyed, I’d be a better judge and I pout a whole lot better too. And anyway I’d have more than enough to say. Lame ass, spineless mob. Come and get me.

I predicted the demise of American Idol in my blog last Fall and also that Simon would be leaving. Come on it wasn’t rocket science now was it? But unfortunately the powers that greed have decided on a resurrection, by Easter it’ll be dead. They can’t accept that it has past it’s sell by date, if it was on a shelf in a grocery store they would be forced to remove it and yet we are now having to watch the mold before our very eyes. American Idol has made Fox a fortune so why aren’t they happy?

Last years finale was a complete non event, a forgettable fellow with a plastic smile and a girl called Baldybollocks or something who squeezed a dental appointment in just prior to judgement day. The final, or should I say the ‘Bye bye Simon Cowell show, oh before you go do you like either of these two?’ Sadly it was a total non event and quite frankly they should be ashamed to expect half of America to stay in and watch the circus. Simon Cowell looked even more bored than I was.

I had to laugh at the roll call of ‘potential’ new judges. First we had Howard Stern, I said it before and I’ll say it again……er why are you going to ask a man who has millions of dollars and porn stars to line up alongside something that has neither. However many millions they might offer him he has more. Although Ellen and Howard could have jockeyed a little for pole position and ended up on Comedy Central. Howard takes no prisoners but let’s get real here, it was NEVER going to happen. They might have well have thrown in Bill Clinton, Nelson Mandela and the South Korean goalkeeper called Phuk, they all would have garnished up the publicity and still not of them would have signed up.

So Nigel Lythgoe thinks he can dance up the panel. Not sure big guy, don’t think you’ll pull it off. I know he won’t, everything that passes it’s sell by date doesn’t bounce back. We’re not talking Led Zeppelin getting back together here, Idol doesn’t matter. We no longer care, are we seriously still going to use that word Idol? Are we further going to blaspheme the great names of Marilyn, Elvis and James Dean. Is he who won ( still no idea of his name. Does he have one or do we call him season 10 winner?) going to be the subject of books, films or conspiracy theories in years to come?

And what will they be doing to get the press on their side? Apart from a press release announcing a new judging panel which media would carry  more through obligation than desire. They loved Simon but now that their bastard love child has defected where will their affections lie. Are they really this slutty? And of course there is the major new announcement, wait for it Jennifer Lopez? Who the hell came up with that idea, was it because of her bum when she appeared at The Charleys or whatever awards she slithered around in.  Sorry for being cruel but what the hell has Jennifer Lopez got to do with anything? George Lopez, now we’re talking.

OK I might have appeared flustered but you made me do this. You woke me from blog slumber, you made me jump up and down. I was cleaning the fridge, this is worse! I now have to watch if only to know that I have more idea about what works than they do. Castle is better and Beckett is hot! Hotter than J-Lo and STEVEN TYLER. Oh yes we forgot that they had managed to get Tyler, that will at least get the Comedy channel interested in the repeats. Why would our winner want to be Tyler? Liv yes, Steven NOOOOOO. We are now creating Trainwreck Idol. Let’s get Lindsay on the panel , in fact the whole of the lowly Lohans and lets have something as truly ludicrous as we can make it. Let’s have a laugh at our own expense before you force yours on us.

I have more to say but for now I need to find a shirt to iron. I hope your day gets better than this.

Filed under: TV, View from the room, american idol, comedy central, Howard Stern, jennifer lopez, Simon Cowell

Idol and out.

At last we have the winner of American Idol! It’s been festering for weeks but now ‘the winner is…………the bloke.’ Who cares?We may have had the winner from Amnerican Idol but the winner OF American Idol is you know who. Watching last night you could easily have forgotten to award someone the prize at the end of the show, in fact it was kind of disrespectful. Even from Fox’s point of view they should have had a Simon show next week and treated that as his last night. It could have then been a celebration with a fine array of artists, testimonials and his speech away from everything else. As regards ‘their night’ it was pretty insulting to the new American Idol, they were playing a poor third and fourth around the rest of the show. We had Cowell, a string of acts and …the final two. It was like an afterthought, ‘Oh look let’s not forget to give someone this.’

No one can dispute the single most important ingredient in it’s continued success and that is the man himself. It was nothing more than another talent show, another stab at Reality TV until the Cowell boy stepped up and turned it in to what it became. Make no mistake. he changed the way Americans watched television and the rest of the world for that matter. It became a global brand of gigantic proportions.

Trying to mix a send off with a finale was all wrong. Simon did deserve all those people turning up, it should have been a party, a celebration and a fitting farewell but on it’s own. They tried to make it all things to all people when an extra week of Simon Idol would have got them massive ratings. The problem there though it would probably surpassed all other ratings for the competition and exposed Simon Cowell as bigger than any contestant, show, judge or entire audience. It was like the two finalists were told. ‘Stick around we have something for you later.’

And so ‘the King is gone, long live the King.’ Where now, well nowhere I hope. He said it himself, ‘you know when the time  is right  to go ( well maybe he was one series late on that but he had a big fat contract, why not take the cash!) The trouble is can Fox and Freemantle own up to that, will they bow down rather than run the risk of getting battered by both the media and the ratings? If they persist it would be mad, how much more money do they need to make. it’s outlasted most soap operas, the story has met it’s natural conclusion. The star met his new bride and he’s settling down with her, get your things and go.

Filed under: TV, american idol, Fox TV, Simon Cowell

Fallen, beaten Idol

I don’t take any pleasure in gloating and indeed I’m not but I’m hardly suprised to see the ratings in American Idol have plummeted to the lowest since 2002 when the monster show rolled in to town and when no one really knew or cared who Simon Cowell was. Don’t take my word for it. http://kl.am/bWed

This season’s lame attempt to better all the others has fallen short on every level imaginable. Firstly, and without question the weakest selection of contestants in their history. Not far behind in second place is the panel, surely they can see that? Right from it’s inception Simon had convinced the program makers that four judges just didn’t work, they tried it  a couple of times to try to prove him wrong. So they all agreed with him then, what changed?.

The secret to success and continued success in television is to understand your audience and to understand what they want, what they need and what tempts them to watch in the first place. Yes try something different but American Idol is not a show that is about radical change. This is wallpaper TV, it’s pap, it’s fodder. Simon would agree, it’s not there to reinvent the wheel, it’s not even there to oil it. It’s there for it to go round and round. They, the audience  need a staple diet of something they can understand, something they can relate to. And let’s be brutally honest we are appealing to the least discerning viewer here, they don’t have really high standards, they just like to be entertained. In it’s heyday American Idol provided that but now each series is trying to upstage the last, do something different. But it’s not about change , it’s about lowest common denominator, this is not the Educational Channel damn it !

American Idol is losing out to Dancing with the Stars here in America, now let’s note the difference here. Oh yes that’s it, DWTS’s has stars on it not faceless wannabees. OK we’ve solved the problem, people watch someone who has done something rather than someone who is trying to do everything. Why are we subjected to these people doing Beatles songs, then Elton John songs then Frank Sinatra??? Is it Slipnot next week, maybe Marilyn Manson or possibly The Grateful Dead?

When are they ever be going to make a record with eleven different cover versions on it, when are they ever going to tour that? We are not talking Rod Stewart doing this, Rod has earned it, Rod can do what he wants. These aren’t multi talented singers, they are people being pulled out of a car park with an opportunity of a lifetime sent out by the machine to do as they are told. How ludicrous to put Crystal Botox or whatever she’s called in a gown, she’s not a gowny girl! She won’t win a Grammy so she won’t ever wear one again. She’ll be locked out of the ball.

American Idol has outstayed it’s welcome, doesn’t Simon sooooo want out? You can see every tortured  smile, every ‘let me out of here’ gesture. He knew this was his swansong but contractually he had to turn up and smile. Good luck with X Factor Simon, like you have any competition?

And of course there is Ryan Seacrest.

Filed under: TV, TV hosts, american idol, Frank Sinatra, Ryan Seacrest

Ga Ga ra ra ra.

Image or talent, how many times have we heard that? The music industry thrived on both and over many genres, artists who made great music just had that look. From Bowie to The Rolling Stones, from Elvis to Tina Turner. They looked worthy of a stage,  they almost needed one. It was their place for them to perform and our duty to rush to see them. So how come things got a little different?

We keep hearing about the X Factor and although the show here in the US has yet to begin Simon the C keeps telling us that is what they are looking for. Pray tell where might we see this? Where in the world is there a fraction of X in the entire line up of contestants either thrown off or left in the last six of this series of American Idol? Where did they ever even dream up the word idol? Same place as brought us the two definitions of famous, famous now as in train wreck and famous then as in Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley. What ever happened to our stars, damn it!

So we have Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson? They are arguably as good as Idol has given us and I agree they can sing, but X Factor,? I think not. Nice girls, average songs, nice voice, nothing special with regard to image. That’s it when all is said and done, there is no image. There are a thousand women walking the streets that could be them.

And then came Lady Ga Ga, the greatest pop star since Michael Jackson in his ‘Thriller’ prime. Image, voice, performance, video and all round X Factor. She oozes it, she’s X , Y and Z, she has it all. She is the most important thing to happen to pop for eons. When Michael Jackson died I wrote he was the last pop star but  today we celebrate a new birth, a true pop star in every sense of the word. But will she be a one off, I sincerely hope not.

Lady Ga Ga is 24, she will last as long as she wants to. She can surpass Madonna as she is more of a chameleon, Madonna had some great images but some equally crap ones. Lady GG hasn’t put a foot, an eye liner or any lingerie wrong and I doubt she will. She’s totally sussed and the best performance artist for a very very long time. I only hope she can inspire those wanting to make a career in music in understanding that you can throw the American Idol right out of the window and have a career that elapses that of all the Idol winners put together. She will do more in a year than the others do in a lifetime. She is a complete master at constantly reinventing herself. She is the reincarnation of Ziggy.

I have more to say on all of this but for now rest my Lady, we’ve all gone Ga Ga over you.

Filed under: TV, american idol, Lady Ga Ga, Pop stars, ziggy stardust

Being Simon

How can you hate Simon Cowell?  Yet I met someone the other day who said just that, ‘I hate Cowell.’ Now I can understand if you’re a music fan and don’t like the way Simon indulges his pop pastime, fair enough but to hate him? There isn’t anything to hate about him, he’s actually very good at everything he does.

Before we start to dig deeper in to the man let’s start with image. Now Tiger the tosser could have done worse than put a call in to him. When have you ever seen Simon Cowell on the front pages of Newsweek, Entertainment doo dah and TMZ? That’s just it, he’s a public figure of great renown and yet his private life is both public and private. You never see him sneaking out of some porn star’s hot tub at 5am clad in a leopardskin towel, he’s never been stoned at Ozfest and he doesn’t shag at Wendy’s. And even if he did it’s not on anyone’s menu.  Simon actually conducts himself brilliantly both on and off camera.

He always has a word for photographers and journalists, he’ll even cross a busy road and leave his swanky car to offer a comment and a smile. He’s actually  a completely charming man. What others don’t realize is that if the media is always getting a ‘no comment’ they naturally get pissed off. Their job is to report and if they report nothing then they’ll have no one reading or watching. If you ask Simon if he’s getting married he’ll give you a Simon smile and people then report that he smirked when asked the question rather than berate him for being awkward. Whether or not he’s getting married is private but he doesn’t look like thunder when you ask him, he understands. He plays the game and he’s a master at it. Like any public celebrity he also understands how far they go to publicize him and as that affords him all the things in life he loves then why piss them off?

Simon’s a master manipulator of the media, the artists and all who surround him. He knows when to push and when to hold back and he knows exactly what he wants to get out of who. He is also the master who paid his apprenticeship by watching others. He watched he listened and he learned. His understanding of the media is as good as I’ve ever witnessed. He revels in all the attention, it’s his job to let everyone know what he’s up to and he does it brilliantly. People are bound to watch for a variety of reasons.

So if you still don’t like him just ask yourself why you don’t like him and you’ll probably end up discovering there’s more to like about him than to dislike.

Filed under: TV, TV hosts, View from the room, Ryan Seacrest, Simon Cowell

Radio Ga Ga

So many of the radio stations sound all the same today, not only here in the US but in the UK too and I suppose if I was listening in France, Holland or Germany they’d be much of  a muchness there also. Unless they maybe had Red Light Radio in wonderful Amsterdam. The big guns like Clear Channel and others came in and bought up the larger radio groups and suddenly we had one station beaming out  over most of the country with just a different name and some local advertising. The voices too sounded all the same, playing the same music and saying the same stuff. Nothing of any identity left.

Before leaving the UK I remember driving up and down motorways and tuning in and out of radio stations and not knowing where I was when there once was a time you could know where you were by your car radio. The DJ’s maybe had a local accent, you’d hear local stories about last night’s soccer match or what was on the TV. Not any more but no point bitching about it as is the case with with record companies they’re no longer about the music just the bottom line, satisfying the shareholders.Whatever the dross they pump out it hardly matters if the advertisers are happy. It’s a while since I heard any new exciting DJ’s too because they are pretty much programed to be the same. It’s robotic and you have to scour the internet to find new exciting music driven shows who have the presenters you’d want to hear also.

Might  this be an opportunity to blatantly publicize my return to radio broadcasting last Sunday night after a 14 year hiatus? No I couldn’t possibly do that….(www.manchesterradioonline.co.uk Has to be the longest title of a radio station ever! What happened to W  ANK and cute sounding stations like that?) I’d never really thought about a return to radio until recently and with the ease and comfort of internet radio it wasn’t a hard choice. There’s a difference between wanting to be on the radio and being allowed to do a show in the way you want. It’s something that fortunately my bosses  back in the day at Piccadilly Radio in Manchester always allowed me to do. I wanted to do a show that I would listen to, it’s the way I do everything, if it works for me then it can work for others.

If people you want you and they approach you it’s for a reason so why compromise? If they leave you alone you’re likely to do it better because of the trust they’ve instilled in you, they believe in you. And in return you do your best to repay that trust and you set out to do it right. Nothing ever worked or ever kept working if people stood still, you have to take chances, you have to push out  a little. We getting engulfed and suffocated by the same old formulas, American Idol works let’s all do it. People watch crap on TV, let’s give them more. Ever thought people watch crap because there’s nothing else to watch because all you do is make crap programs. They have no choice, you’ve conditioned them, yes you Frankenstein.

OK back to the dishes now.

Filed under: manchester radio on line, Radio Ga Ga, TV, clear channel, manchester radio online, Piccadilly Radio, radio, tony michaelides

The next American Idol

American Idol has become one of those shows that has become compulsive viewing,for me anyway. Actually that’s not entirely true, I don’t make a point of watching it but when I surf channels I stayed tuned longer than any sane person would. That is insane in itself. Whatever you think of the program you have to admit, it’s a shadow of it’s former self. It has just lost it’s appeal and I think it’s being watched by people by force of habit. Everyone I meet says the same thing, ‘it’s lost it’ but have nevertheless still seen it. We send people with a habit to rehab, these people need to go and seek treatment. They need institutionalizing.

Last night was an ordeal. A bunch of karaoke hopefuls, the ones who the compere tries to avoid bringing up to sing surrounded by a somewhat disillusioned panel. I’ve been there, all sat together where you shrug your shoulders and think, ‘why am I here?’ And as for Simon, I’m feeling sorry for him now. Last night’s comment about one of the boys or girls( I can’t remember one of the contestants names) was hilarious. He threw his arms out and laughed because one of the guys was laughing at all the comments the judges had made while tearing apart his lame performance. And Simon said, ‘he’s laughing, he doesn’t care what we think. It doesn’t matter the audience love him , they’ll vote for him and he’ll be back next week.’ It may have sounded ridiculous but it’s actually true, it doesn’t matter what the judges say the audience will bring him back. He has the haircut and the devilish grin that will send the girlies to school giggling, their fingers sore from pressing the redial button on their cell phones to vote for ‘cheeky chappy.’  He’ll get the vote and he be one step closer to giving me a headache. Nine down too many to go.

So now we know, Simon leaves American Idol and we have the solution. You put shit on the TV and you don’t need anyone to replace him because it’s simple, you don’t have a panel. It doesn’t matter. They, the contestants are above critiquing, America will decide and it won’t be because of a panel, I just got rid of them.  The premium rate phone calls will come in, you can have less of them and make more money. I just saved you a ton of cash by making the panel redundant.

That’ll do for now, tomorrow I’ll critique the panel. About time.

Filed under: TV, View from the room, american idol, Simon Cowell

Dumber than dumb and getting dumber

Instant gratification. When did anyone think that a quick fix did anything other than prevent a leak, temporarily? Artists are creative people and they need to be nurtured like an athlete. They are groomed and preened and prepared for battle, albeit a healthy competitive fight to get noticed. I’m not here to pontificate over the artist and the industry today but more the quick fix. Shall we call it celebrity TV? No we shall not. I’m calling it ‘Celebral Dead’ TV from now on.

Reality TV is cheap television made with cheaper characters. We are creating a mind numbingly boring opera of the inane. The shows are getting worse, so worse I don’t even know what they are called. Where it was important, least of all socially acceptable to make your girlfriend cry so you could show off your macho tattoo and receive some counseling from a slightly older woman in a longer skirt who may have been a train wreck and therefore qualified to mend you. Fascinating. I have never seen as many meathead males all lined up together.

I would like these people incarcerated. Kidnap both male and female participants and sling them in a preferably less than comfortable area where they can suffer like we have suffered. I don’t always agree in an eye for an eye but there are exceptions, maybe a loin for an implant.

Why wherever we turn does everyone want, almost need their life to be public, sorry pubic domain? Are we a nation of exhibitionists or a rabble of rubble? Do we care what people think? As long as they think it doesn’t matter what they think. Think again. One, two maybe three reality shows you could understand. Go as far as to call it the broad spectrum of television and you could maybe even get away with it. Give us what you have and we’re an epidemic at the point of no return

I know there’s no money to make good television anymore but does it really need to be quite this bad? I’m convinced that we have finally arrived at a point where the more stupid with the least talent become the chosen ’norm’ for producers. Compulsive television has become ‘I must watch idiots.’ The public seem to love them and they seem to love being humiliated. How bizarre is that? If you were sadly ailing with something we’d want to help but now we want to applaud, almost worship. We’re in a mixed up crazy world getting increasingly more weird. If I become a recluse you’re to blame.

Filed under: TV, View from the room, celebrity tv, Reality TV